It's been awhile since I posted. I've been lazy, but I've also been too depressed by our sleep situation to even write about it. I guess, actually, I've been too exhausted to write due to our sleep situation. Lilli just keeps on waking up and throwing a fit and then just lying there awake and so I end up bringing her to bed and nursing her and then she wants to nurse all night. Sometimes I just don't have the energy to ineffectually try to get her to go back to sleep in her crib first, and so I just bring her to bed right away. I know all of this isn't helping us to get the message across to her that she needs to sleep in her crib and doesn't need the boobie. I'm just too damn tired to care at 3am. Or worse, ten minutes after we've gotten into bed. (Those two blissful weeks of sleep were such a tease!)
We formulated a plan, however, a couple of nights ago, and have at least tried to stick to it. We decided to let Bob handle the first outburst and let her try to get resettled without the boob. If she is absolutely inconsolable then I nurse and put her back in the crib. It's hard to actually have patience with the tantrums and I hate for her to cry like that. I know that she's ok and she knows we're right there. She's just so darn angry that we are not heeding her demands. But still. You hear your child cry out for you like that and your heart breaks. Last night Bob got her quiet after she first woke up but then she just stared up at him in that spooky way she has in the middle of the night. So Bob got back in bed (which is about one foot from the crib) and then she let us have it. Knowing she'd been calm just a few seconds before and knew Bob was right there, I tried to hide in the covers and ride it out. But I couldn't take it anymore after a few minutes and I ended up nursing her. Thankfully she was pretty easy to get back to sleep in the crib after that. A bit of fussing but I laid down on Bob's side of the bed and held her hand through the bars, and pathetic as it seemed at the time, it seemed to work. Sorry if that rather long recounting was a bit incohesive. Sleep deprivation=bad writing.
Another reason I've had trouble finding the time to blog is that March Madness is upon us. I really don't care much, except perhaps the tiny inkling of a hope that UW might go far and hoping that Bob's teams win so that he'll be in a good mood. Bob knows about my indifference to his favorite sport. He's a pretty clever one, however, and in a bold attempt to involve me in his favorite time of year, he once again roped me in by harnessing that most dominant of my characteristics: competitiveness. He got me to fill out a bracket. That way, I have something riding on every game being played: the chance to beat him at his own sport. I guess he's willing to risk being beat to hear me say the words, "hey, who's up in the Duke/Mississippi St. game?" Who knew? Actually, last year, I almost beat him with my bracket. This year it's looking even better. I'm currently tied for fourth in our pool of seventeen, with Bob coming in at #11. Mua ha ha ha ha! To be beating Bob is a glorious thing! It almost gets me over the hump of exhaustion.
Anywho, so wish me luck, both with the sleep and with the basketball tourney! I will try and keep you all updated on both.
We formulated a plan, however, a couple of nights ago, and have at least tried to stick to it. We decided to let Bob handle the first outburst and let her try to get resettled without the boob. If she is absolutely inconsolable then I nurse and put her back in the crib. It's hard to actually have patience with the tantrums and I hate for her to cry like that. I know that she's ok and she knows we're right there. She's just so darn angry that we are not heeding her demands. But still. You hear your child cry out for you like that and your heart breaks. Last night Bob got her quiet after she first woke up but then she just stared up at him in that spooky way she has in the middle of the night. So Bob got back in bed (which is about one foot from the crib) and then she let us have it. Knowing she'd been calm just a few seconds before and knew Bob was right there, I tried to hide in the covers and ride it out. But I couldn't take it anymore after a few minutes and I ended up nursing her. Thankfully she was pretty easy to get back to sleep in the crib after that. A bit of fussing but I laid down on Bob's side of the bed and held her hand through the bars, and pathetic as it seemed at the time, it seemed to work. Sorry if that rather long recounting was a bit incohesive. Sleep deprivation=bad writing.
Another reason I've had trouble finding the time to blog is that March Madness is upon us. I really don't care much, except perhaps the tiny inkling of a hope that UW might go far and hoping that Bob's teams win so that he'll be in a good mood. Bob knows about my indifference to his favorite sport. He's a pretty clever one, however, and in a bold attempt to involve me in his favorite time of year, he once again roped me in by harnessing that most dominant of my characteristics: competitiveness. He got me to fill out a bracket. That way, I have something riding on every game being played: the chance to beat him at his own sport. I guess he's willing to risk being beat to hear me say the words, "hey, who's up in the Duke/Mississippi St. game?" Who knew? Actually, last year, I almost beat him with my bracket. This year it's looking even better. I'm currently tied for fourth in our pool of seventeen, with Bob coming in at #11. Mua ha ha ha ha! To be beating Bob is a glorious thing! It almost gets me over the hump of exhaustion.
Anywho, so wish me luck, both with the sleep and with the basketball tourney! I will try and keep you all updated on both.
posted by mariko at 9:26 PM
6 Comments:
It sounds like Lilli has you figured out, and you are letting her! A bad habit that will continue for life because you are letting her.
Bob is a genius by getting you in on the tourney! I'm coming home tonight! See you soon! (btw, I did not write the other anonymous comment! =)
love d
You poor things! Our baby is trying to kill us too! Just remember, when we're old and ugly...these are probably the best days of our lives.
I don't know why I let anonymous commenters get to me. After all, they are too cowardly to even let me reply directly to them by leaving their name and email address (see first comment). I also don't understand the need of some people to stand back from another person's situation and judge, judge, judge. I'm guessing this commenter is the same one who has been consistently commenting on our horrible parenting, probably reading and reading about how terrible we are so that they can feel smugly superior in their own close minded little world. The reason I write this blog is so that I remember when I'm old and gray what this time was like. Like Noble said, I will probably even look fondly back upon these nights. And for me to do that, I have to write things that actually reflect my experience. Yes, this is difficult. Yes, we are not always perfect. So? That's why I write about it. We are finding our way, and that is life. Life I've said OVER AND OVER, no one is obligated to agree with me, but geez, just let us do our thing.
That was my first post. It wasn't cowardly or judgmental. It is from a bird's eye view, after reading throught your posts, and giving you the observation that your pareting is totally inconsistant and confuses your daughter. First you're doing this, then that, then this again. In the crib, in the bed, boobs, no boobs. Not giving anything the time it needs to see it work. Not being diligent with YOUR decision. Your daughter is confused by your actions AND has realized that if she just whines or cries a little that she WILL get what she wants. Good luck to her in the real world. Yes, she is just a toddler now, but you will hve to do double work later to REcondition her to how things work. IE: patience, rules, expectations, what mom says IS how it is! Basic life "things" can never be taught too early. Sorry to have offended you- just thought outside wisdom would be helpful.
You didn't offend me so much as annoy me. I obviously don't write everything that goes on in our lives, or everything that we do with our daughter. Neither you, nor any of the very few non genetically related readers of this blog, know me or my family or how we do things AT ALL. You might feel like you have the whole picture, but you have merely a glimpse. A glimpse of things that I have recorded so that I can remember the whole picture later on.
Your second post, to me, was just as frustrating, in that you continue to judge my parenting skills in the framework of your own ideas. It is shocking to me that you presume to know how my daughter feels, or that I do not have good enough judgement to decide for us what is best for us. I agree with you that consistency is important and not to send mixed messages. I think that no parent can claim to be guilt free in this respect. However, at the same time, flexibility is just as important a life skill. I happen to usually post an entry when something out of the ordinary has occurred. On this particular night, we had a difficult time, Lilli sounded panicked, and I didn't feel comfortable letting her go uncomforted. I feel I have the good motherly sense to know when something is wrong and I respond accordingly and appropriately. I feel in this entry I did outline how we were going to try to be consistent in the future. And if you truly have been reading my posts, then you would know that we had implemented a plan in the past that worked, and that she successfully slept in her crib through the night for two weeks. We have since had a bit of a derailment, possibly due to teething, but we roll with the punches because that is what we do. We don't stick rigidly to rules just because we happened to arbitrarily make some.
This is not to say that I don't welcome people's perspectives, or to share their own experiences. What gets to me is when people assume that the way they did things or do things or see things should be the same for everybody in every situation. This is the same rigid type of thinking that we are trying to avoid.
You may think that you are not being judgemental, but you are. You had the audacity to suggest that my child wouldn't be successful in the real world! I hope you don't feel like I'm being defensive about my parenting, because I am not. I am comfortable with the way we are raising Lilli. I am objecting to your assumptions and the manner in which you are relaying your opinions, which, of course, you are welcome to.
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