To Cry or Not to Cry? Is that Really the Question?

WARNING: This is a VERY LONG and VERY OPINIONATED post. I have a lot of opinions to expel from my brain and I am determined to do it here. I do conclude with an update on Lilli, if you are so inclined to skip ahead. . .

Is it just me or does there seem to be a sudden spate of articles in the media/new
books/television shows that are telling parents not to sleep with their kids and to let their children Cry It Out (defined for purposes here as letting your child cry, at night, by herself, without a parent's comfort)?? What's WITH this? It seemed to me for a long while that things were moving in the opposite direction. . . in the direction of cosleeping, and breastfeeding, and NOT letting your child cry it out. I, for one, was happy with this trend. Now, suddenly, there seems to be somewhat of a backlash going on. Among others I've noticed, "Supernanny" says don't sleep with your child. I just read a book review on the front page of the local section of our newspaper that said not to sleep with your baby and to let her cry it out. Then this morning I noticed on the cover of USA Weekend that it proclaimed that Soledad O'Brien had an article inside on how babies should sleep. Curious, I read on to discover that this poor woman has four children under the age of 4(!!!) in ADDITION to having a full time job as a news anchor on a morning show. No wonder the poor woman is looking for sleep tips! Anyhow, poor Soledad was recommending the advice of a "expert" that was one of those people who seemed to be scolding parents whose babies didn't sleep because it was all their fault and they have no gumption. What happened to those nice people who were encouraging people to love their kids and pay attention to their needs and respect their wants as needs and that everything has its time? Who are these new people who are in such a rush to get children pidgeonholed into how we expect children to be? (Imagine crusty, self important voice: Children need to go to bed at 7p.m sharp and wake up at 7 a.m. sharp and they need to nap at this and that time and they need to BLAH BLAH BLAH. . .)

Don't get me wrong. I think these people probably have something to offer, and I am not one to pass up any bits of possibly useful information in the quest for better sleep. I am all for better sleep, for everyone. However, I am discerning consumer of information, and I am not just going to take any old advice, just because someone is offering it. Especially not advice that totally goes against every parenting philosophy to which I ascribe. Which includes crying it out. I'm not talking about letting your baby cry. I'm sure every baby is going to cry at some point. I'm talking about letting your baby cry it OUT until she is so spent she has no energy left in her body to cry anymore. It just seems totally inhumane to ME to completely ignore your poor baby while she is wailing away because obviously she feels she needs something. Hey, I know I don't like to be ignored either. I mean, if I was yelling and screaming for Bob, and I knew he could hear me, and he didn't come, well, I think I'd be pissed. I'd feel abandoned. And I'm twenty six. I'm not a helpless little baby who depends on others.

Anyway, I'm not saying that those who do decide to let their babies cry it out are wrong or evil or whatever. I'm sure that for some people, after much research, that is the decision they decide to make. And I'm sure that some poor parents are driven to desperation. But after much research on my part, that is not the path that I have chosen. Now, here is my (much) delayed point: Even though my beliefs are strong enough, and I am certainly opinionated enough, to stand up to the barrage of popular opinion, it still annoys me. I don't like being told on practically a daily basis that basically I am a bad parent who is going about this all wrong, and that the only reason I've decided to take the path that I have is because I am lazy and it is easier. Trust me. I am NOT lazy, and this is NOT EASIER. This is not the default thing for me. This is a philosophy of parenting that I have arrived upon, after checking out what everyone had to say. More "discipline" for the child does not necessarily indicate a more "disciplined" parent. Anyway, not only is this media barrage annoying to me, but it gives all these well intentioned people advice ammunition that I really do not care to hear. All of sudden, these people feel that just because they have read one stinkin' article by one supposed expert, that they KNOW the right thing to do, and they feel they should tell those that don't agree that they are WRONG. (And why does it always seem that most of those people are childless???) Hello! Just because "Supernanny" says it, it doesn't mean it has been handed down in the Gospel. Where are all those nice experts that were affirming me? I liked being affirmed! I wish one of them would stand up and tell these people THEY are wrong and see how they like it. Probably, they're too nice. They don't even let babies cry.

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SO. I haven't ranted in awhile. That felt good. I don't care if anyone reads it. So now that I have been purged of my demons, I am free to document the happiness and light that is Lilli. She has been so sweet lately. A kissing and hugging MACHINE. A friend of mine commented on how charming she is, and seriously, this is not just proud exaggerating mother talking, that is a word I hear pretty often when describing her personality. She is very winning. She loves to share and is terribly friendly with strangers. She delights in feeding me her food, and when she runs out of it, I have to eat imaginary morsels. I videotaped her for about fifteen minutes this morning, just walking around, chattering to herself, making her daily exploratory rounds. She does this twinkling little laugh when something amuses her. She is SO DAMN CUTE. This, of course, is all during her waking hours.

Her sleeping hours, hmmmmmm, not so cute. Probably why I have been so obsessed with all literature on sleeping babies lately. Possibly why it seems to me that there is a sudden overabundance of said literature. Why I am so tired, and maybe why I am easily spurred to anger against those stupid article writers who aren't helping me a bit. Write something I can use, dammit!! Bob and I have been very successful in getting Lilli to go to sleep without nursing. We have instituted a new bedtime routine, one that is more consistent and which begins, rather than ends, with nursing. After that we read a few books and then sing some sonds while laying down in the dark together, and then to sleep. Usually this works really well, and even if sometime during the song singing she decides she doesn't want go along with it and tries to sit up, usually we can coax her back down and after some fussing she is resigned to her fate. She even gives us kisses. Now, all that I've read indicates that once she doesn't rely on nursing to go to sleep, she shouldn't be waking up so much at night to nurse. NOT THE CASE. Why, why, why?? Bob is still sleeping with her some of the time, but inevitably he brings her to me in the middle of the night, she finally getting pissed enough that she won't succumb to his soothing sounds. If I sleep with her, which I do when Bob has to get up early for work, she wakes up and pounds on my chest and lifts up my shirt. The other night I decided to take a stand and not give in and she wailed angrily for about five to ten minutes off and on before finally just sitting next to me and staring into space like a little Buddha. She kept nodding off but would wake up when her head jerked, so I finally made her sit against a pillow so that next time she nodded off there would be something to catch her. She fell asleep but was awake again in an hour and a half. I again denied her entrance, and she fell asleep, hopefully, with her head on my chest. I guess I just have to keep trying, but it is frustrating. I keep wondering, is she actually hungry? Am I not feeding her enough during the day? I would try to force feed the kid if I thought it would help, except that everything I've read says NOT to force children to eat when they don't want. And in all actuality, I don't want to do that either. Hrmmmm. . .

Once we manage to calm her night waking (ha! if ever!), both Bob and I would REALLY like her to sleep in her crib. Not because all those poopie people are getting to us, but because we feel the lovely time we've had with Lilli in our bed is coming to an end, and we would like to sleep with each other again. Oh my God, that would be so nice. Too bad it seems so far away. . . *sigh*

She especially likes this book because it makes lots of sounds. Sometimes I prefer the quieter variety. . .

Hellloooo! I'm reading here!

Are we done yet?

Since I'm still too lazy to finish up with my computer clean up, I present you with: Pictures my Father took. Here is Lilli saying hi to Grandpa. He's too busy to wave back because he is taking her picture.

I'm being made to feel a tool.

I'm totally being taken advantage of by my husband. He is totally using yours truly just to get to the baby. You know what he's been doing? He's been kissing me, JUST so that Lilli will see us kiss and then want to kiss him. I see him pucker up and then glance at Lilli out of the corner of his eye to make sure she is watching. And it definitely works. Miss Lilli doesn't like to be left out of anything. But now I am but a tool. A kiss facilitating tool.

I haven't had much motivation lately to post. I'm not sure why. It's certainly not that there has been a lack of cute Lilli doings to post. There have been plenty of those. Maybe it's that there are too many choices. A veritable smorgasbord of cuteness. So many types and arrays of cuteness in so many flavors that one cannot choose only one! And therefore none are chosen. Though actually, this analogy totally doesn't work because have you ever gone to a smorgasbord and not eaten? Actually what happens is that you do eat some of everything and become totally and disgustingly stuffed and then you even have some soft serve ice cream to top it off. So this is in reality the opposite of a smorgasbord. Except there ARE an array of choices. I guess. Never mind.

ANYWAY. Why don't I just tell you how cute Lilli is? I would have PICTURES, except I still haven't installed my camera software yet. I'm waiting to clean off my computer, which I'm almost done with. I really can't wait to show you the pictures I took when Bob, Lilli and I WALKED to the park. That's right. We ALL walked to the park. Lilli held our hands and was a little trooper. She even went down the slide, though she is so cautious that she hated the sensation of being out of control and so put her feet and hands out halfway down the slide to stop herself. And so was stuck. Bob had to go down and get her, and since it was the tubey kind of slide, that was not an easy feat. She is definitely in the toddler category now, as she prefers the walking to the crawling. She still crawls occasionally, but I seriously have probably only seen her crawl three or four times in the last couple of days. Walking is THE new thing to do in our household. Being able to stand all by herself has definitely helped the process, and even if she's only a couple of feet away from me, she'll stand up and walk to get to me rather than crawl. She is so totally enamored with walking, and pretty much entertains herself all day just walking around. Yesterday she glommed onto a pillowcase, and then a blankie, and just enjoyed walking around with those. Making the rounds. You know. Toddler stuff.

The only problem with all this walking excitement, is that I think it's messing up her sleep. I've read that developmental milestones can do that, but it's unfortunate that it is coming at this time when we are trying to get her nightwaking down to a minimum. Because it is DEFINITELY NOT at a minimum right now. I guess she's just thinking and dreaming about walking a lot, and wants to be up doing her little toddler job. We're doing the "mommy is sleeping and isn't here and thus neither are her boobies" thing, and sometimes it works but there usually comes at least once a night where she just won't stand for it anymore. And it's not like Bob is well rested in the morning, and neither am I really since he usually brings her to me pretty awake from all the fussing and I have a hard time getting her to go back to sleep, even with the power of the boobie. So that is probably halfway towards solving the mystery of my lack of motivation in posting. Sleep? Blog? Sleep? Blog? I guess I've been choosing sleep.

Well, I have a lot more amusing and sickeningly cute anecdotes up my sleeve, but I will have to save them for another day. I must choose sleep now, as who knows when my boobies will next be called upon.

ping pong and peekaboos

Lilli's favorite object of the day was a ping pong ball. Now that she is walking and thus carrying things around (see yesterday's post), she was able to literally hold onto that ball all day long. Even while she nursed she held onto that ball. When we had lunch, the ball had to sit on her tray. Diaper changes? You got it. Ball was there. I wonder how babies form such attachments to inanimate objects? I wonder if she will be the kind of kid to carry around a tattered shred of nasty blanket wherever they go.

Another game she's been liking to play lately is peekaboo, only we play with my hair. She puts her hand in my hair, indicating she wants me to cover my face with it. Then she shakes her head really fast, indicating she wants me to similarly shake my head and show her my face. Oh my god. It is SO MUCH FUN. Just kidding. Obviously it is fun for her, and it is fun for me to watch her laugh. But I kind of get a headache from it.

Other than that, not much going on over here. Actually, I think we are in a rut. I've been feeling like my posts here have been rather boring lately, and that is probably reflective of my, well, feeling bored. It's not that I am bored with Lilli. On the contrary, she is more fun than ever and easier than ever to take care of. Maybe that is part of it. Things are too easy, and as much as I like to complain, challenge is rather invigorating, if exhaustion doesn't get to you first. And boredom kind of breeds boredom. In other words, dare I say it, I think inertia has set in a bit. We do the same thing every day, and even though I think having a routine is a good thing, sometimes I feel like we need a little more variety. Maybe scheduled variety is the key. I'm not quite sure how to go about that though. Knowing other SAHMs in the area would be nice. Then maybe, GASP, I could have a little social contact. I'm also scared that soon Lilli is going to get bored, and I am going to have to start getting creative. But I have no idea where to start. I was never good with kids before Lilli, and I'm still not very good with children other than Lilli. Sigh. I know this has been rambling and pathetic. It's not a challenge, it's too much of a challenge. Blah blah blah! What am I saying?? Hey, I guess I should just be glad that I'm not on Supernanny yet. Have you SEEN that show?

Today was Lilli's 14 month birthday. To celebrate, Lilli practiced walking around WHILST CARRYING THINGS. Just as I had suspected it would be, this is her favorite part of being able to walk. She had a terrible time dragging things along while crawling. It was kind of pathetic. It reminded me of a sad little three legged dog. So now, she seems really enamored with the fact that she can now transport herself AND the object to her desired destination or person (mommy) with relative ease. Sometimes she's so pleased that she just sits down and starts clapping hysterically. Later in the day, she was REALLY amused when she managed a sort of down dog position and laughed at me upside down through her legs. Whee!

She has had her moments of frustration however today. I was feeding her dinner and kind of thumbing through a magazine at the same time. I was going with the two pronged approach: she had a lot of finger foods and then when she was busy I would spoon feed her some stuff. I was eating too, and of course that held a great fascination for her as well. So, imagine a table with lots of stuff on it. All of a sudden, Lilli starts pointing to something on the table. It looks like she is pointing at Cher. Cher? I ask her, confused. Why would Lilli want Cher? No, no, you stupid woman, she tells me with a withering stare. She keeps pointing, insistent. My spaghetti? No. More tofu? No. An olive from my salad? No. More cereal? At this point I was getting frustrated. It seemed like I had gone through all the possibilities, but Lilli was still pointing at a particular spot on the table, which was seemingly Cher's gigantically coiffed head. Finally, in frustration, I moved my plate, and discovered a lone cheerio hiding under the rim. Ah ha! She ate that Cheerio with great gusto and relief that I had overcome my stupidity. Well, I guess at least she knows what she wants. And she definitely sticks with it. Later, she wanted me to give some food to the dog, and when I wouldn't she kept pointing and saying "da!" and when I still wouldn't she resorted to "woof woof." She must think I'm pretty dumb. :)

We had another milestone today. It was the first time I'd seen Lilli do it, although Bob claims to have seen her do it before. Anyway, she stood up all by herself without needing to use something for support. She kind of stuck her butt in the air and then bent her knees and then lifted up her torso and squatted for a second, and then very carefully straightened her knees. It's funny to watch, but I'm guessing I better enjoy it while I can because I'm sure she'll get better at it soon and it won't be so funny. It's also pretty amusing to watch her walk. She has such a waddling duck walk. It is kind of amazing when I take a moment to think about it that she is actually walking. It seemed like she was never going to do it, and then just like with the crawling thing, one day she did, and now she's walking allover. She must secretly practice when we aren't looking, just so she can spring it on us.

The other funny thing today was at my grandma's. She was clearing off Mary's little table for her, which is one of her favorite pasttimes. In fact, she is probably one of the fastest table clearers in the West, and she enjoys her job thoroughly. She was handing everything on the table, one by one, to Mary. Then, she ran out of stuff! What to do? Why, just pretend of course! She kept picking up these imaginary objects and then handing them to Mary. One time Mary pretended to throw it away, and she actually followed the trajectory of the imaginary object. I didn't realize that kids were capable of having imaginations at this age, but this has given me some insight into her little brain. It must all be just a game to her. . .:)

Update

I was having lunch with a friend and Lilli yesterday when a woman came up with her toddler and said that her daughter wanted to say hi to mine. This little girl definitely looked like a little girl. She was walking perfectly and had long blonde hair that had been CUT and was very focussed on Lilli and just looked like a toddler. She wasn't chubby for goodness sake! And later she sat in a booster chair and politely ate her quiche with a fork! "Well, hello!" I said to the little girl. How old are you? Her mother answered for her that she was four months past a year. So, sixteen months? I asked. Uh, four months after a year, the mother stated. (Which just goes to show you either that even mothers of toddlers are sleep deprived, or that smart children do not necessarily come from smart parents.)

But then I thought, sixteen months?!? That is only two months older than Lilli, and yet she seemed so much older. She seemed like a little person that you could communicate with and have a conversation with. I mean, Lilli and I communicate really well, but it's not this nice and clean verbal transaction. It's more like a prolonged grunting negotiation with an occasional gesture and word thrown in, and then a lot of trial and error. Anyway, there I was, having a little inferiority complex panic attack, thinking what a bad mother I was for not training my child to eat with a fork in a booster chair yet and for not making her grow her hair and thin out, when I realized that I'm glad Lilli is still a baby to me. I'm in no hurry for her to grow up. I LOVE her chubby cheeks and wispy hair. I, just, like most other mothers, get caught up in the comparison game. What's your baby doing? What's your baby weigh? What's your baby saying? Which isn't bad in and unto itself, but is bad if you start drawing any conclusions from said comparisons. I actually didn't come to this epiphany by myself. My friend, who is childless but who has two little nieces, asked me "do you ever get tired of that?"
"What?" I asked.
"People coming over with their babies to compare."
I had never thought of it that way I guess, because I was always happy to have them come over so I could compare too!

Anyway, for the reading and comparing pleasure of those of you with children, I present Lilli's newest exploits :):
walking across a room (over fifteen feet)
hugging people and her beloved toys (it's so nice to get a warm and cuddly baby hug)
brushing my hair with a tender look in her eye
putting things back in their proper places
. . . .I have to elaborate on this one because it is so cute. She realizes now that things have a place they are supposed to go. Like that the sink stopper goes in the drain. Therefore, she likes to put the sink stopper in the drain. This is difficult when I am trying to drain her bath. But convenient when she puts the tupperware back in the drawer where it came from before shutting it.
And finally, playing the piano. We like to play at my parent's house, where I was the only one previously who ever played it. The other night we were there and she was sitting on my lap while I was playing. She decided to get in on it, and really started banging away with musical and artistic abandon. Much like I imagine a young Beethoveen or Mozart would play :) ha ha! just kidding! But it is cute. She likes for me to turn the sheet music pages for her (she directs my hands to do so) and she gets mad if I try to play while she is playing. She will shove my hands away and shoot me a testy look. Bossy, bossy, bossy.

Well, I have had some complaints about the length of my entries (Mary! :)) so I will relieve you for now. Look forward to more opportunities for comparison. . .:)

Mmmmm. Rice.

My mom probably won't like this picture, but oh well, we must all sacrifice our beauty for Lilli's cuteness. I have done it numerous times, as I'm sure you can all testify to. My mom was feeding her a Japanese rice ball. Yummy.

My grandma took these at Bob's birthday. Here he is, blowing out 24 candles, even though he turned 27, which is only three years away from 30! That is the back of my head, which I must say looks nice and shiny!

We just spent a lovely weekend at my family's Lummi Island house for Bob's birthday. We had some friends up, and family came and Lilli was a complete doll. She practiced her walking and she was so friendly and tried to get everyone to pick her up. They don't know they were just being used as taxis, and we didn't tell them they were being taken advantage of. We want the dear souls to think she really liked them. Which is not to say she didn't. Just that she has her own little motives.

Anyway, that's not the reason I signed on to make a post. We were just putting her to bed when we smelled a poop. As background for this story, let me say that yesterday I managed to get Lilli to eat quite a bit of spinach soaked in marinara sauce, and I was pretty proud of myself to have gotten her to happily eat a green vegetable. In fact she LOVED it, and I THOUGHT she had chewed down quite a bit of it. Well, let me just put it this way. It turns out she hadn't chewed it at all. Bob called me in to look at her poop (because that's what baby parents do) and there were tons and tons of strings of whole baby spinach leaves. Just then I noticed a little corner of green coming out of her butthole. Get that piece, I said to Bob. Well, he took ahold of that corner and slowly but surely out came a whole long sting of green spinach. All I could think of was, all that good nutrition, completely gone to waste.

Lilli has been walking all day. Not just the wimpy take a few steps to mama when she asks you to variety either. That's for babies. As a big ol' toddler, today she's been walking all on her own initiative. Every time she gets to her destination safely or even when she falls, she looks so gosh darn pleased with herself. I think she's finally figured out that staying upright and not having to get down and up over and over again might have its merits. Just a few minutes ago she walked about half the length of our dining room, which is a new record. Earlier though she was walking from the couch to the rocking chair and back again, repeatedly, so that was probably the record for most number of consecutive steps without falling. Woohoo!

She was playing with a toy zebra and although this isn't that great a picture of her, it kind of looks like the zebra is levitating doesn't it? Actually, it kind of looks like Lilli is making it levitate and she has kind of all knowing, "don't bother me while I'm performing magic" kind of look in her eye.

It looks better than what I got!

Hey, what are they having??

Let's hear it for teething biscuits!

My grandma took Bobby, Lilli and me to lunch yesterday at our favorite lunch spot, the Sisters. Here is Lilli enjoying a teething biscuit.

You know how some mothers are always doing gross things like using their spit to clean their child's face, or picking their baby's boogers with their finger, or whatever? Well, I'm sorry to report that I am one of those mothers. It's weird how you give birth and suddenly you do things you would never ever have done before. And it seems totally natural. However, my grossness has attained new heights. Yesterday, I went to the post office. That in itself is kind of gross, what with the eclectic mix of unwashed people that tend to congregate there. Yesterday, I was one of those people, as I was also unwashed. And wearing sweats. Only I was worse. Lilli was eating a teething biscuit and she had wet, slimy crumbs all over her face. Worried that my fellow unwasheds would think the worse of me for having a crummy baby, I wiped the glop of crumbs off with my spit moistened finger. Then, for a split second I thought about wiping the finger on my sweatshirt (classy) but then I thought better of it and PUT THE FINGER IN THE MOUTH. When I brain computed what I had just done, I was horrified with myself. I had just eaten my child's partly digested, drooly food! In public!! What have I become?!?

What was worse was later, when Lilli dropped the rest of her biscuit and I was looking for somewhere to put it so she wouldn't get it (because at least I don't let my child eat dirty food, even though I might), the lady wearing a Pooh bear sweatshirt behind me hurriedly pointed out the trashcan. Maybe she thought I would eat it? Oh the shame, to be eyed with disgust by a woman wearing a Pooh sweatshirt.

Possibly the best feature of a baby (or at least Lilli) is that they will do a little jig at whatever you sing, even if you sing it badly and don't know the words. Which pretty much covers my repetoire. Bob makes fun of me because I never know the words to songs, so I just fill in with what I think makes sense, which always inevitably makes the least sense when you compare with the actual lyrics.

Also, the way she says "heYOO" for "hello" when she wakes up in the morning in wants to wake me up is a pretty good feature too. It's always nice to wake up to a bright and cheery "heYOO."

I've read several rants against mommy blogs, the main complaint being they are boring, to which I say: if you don't care, don't read. Anyway, my blog MAY be boring, but one of my favorite blogs, finslippy, never is. It is hilarious. So hilarious, in fact, that it got nominated for some blogging award. I'm not sure if it won. But apparently, in an attempt to beat her, one of her competitors launched a rant about mommy blogs. Ok, I may be boring, true, but if you hate finslippy or think she is boring, well, then you just hate children.

Anywho, she has a good comeback. Let 'em have it sister! Here it is:
http://finslippy.typepad.com/finslippy/2005/01/im_a_little_ann.html

Update: Apparently Alice at finslippy decided to remove that post because she didn't want to spread more hate. Which I suppose is admirable. But if THEY get to hate, why can't we?? Anyway, her website is still funny. Go check it out: http://finslippy.typepad.com

As I type, I am watching Lilli put a belt over the top of her head so that it sits around her neck and then off again. Then she repeats the process. I guess it looks like a cord. Babies are so easily amused. What a blessing.

Also, I forgot to mention that she's also been trying to put her own shoes and socks on, and hats too. Plus, she is very helpful when I'm putting a coat on her. This whole figuring out the function of objects thing is making getting dressed much easier. Of course, she thinks the function of a belt is to go around your neck.

And then, just now, she ripped a massive fart. Ahhh, babies.

Dogs are greedy little biscuit hoarding creatures

I was just doing the dishes and Lilli was eating a teething biscuit while standing near me. All of sudden I hear her crying bloody murder and crawling at mach speed out into the dining room. I go in there to investigate the matter and what do I see but a BASTARD LITTLE DOG EATING HER(very expensive organic!) BISCUIT. I am enraged, even though I should know better, because he eats TONS of his own biscuits every day. What I should know is: dogs are greedy little biscuit hoarding creatures, who will do whatever it takes to get a biscuit, no matter what type. I'm sure he convinced Lilli that he was just sniffing the biscuit and being friendly, and then I'm sure he coaxed it very gently away, and Lilli didn't realize what kind of sneaky biscuit stealing tactics were being employed against her until it was too late.

Of course, I gave her another biscuit and she was immediately appeased, because usually she likes to share with the dog, especially if she has a lot of food on her tray. And especially if it is vegetables. But even if it is cheerios. However, I do think she was afraid of Addy getting this biscuit too, because she immediately tried to cram the entire thing in her mouth. Maybe if we set up competition for the veggies she'll eat those too?

Let it Snow!

It's been a nice day today. One of those snowy cozy days where you just chill and hang out and enjoy being inside. We woke up to a blanket of snow, and then Bob got off work early and it felt kind of like a snow day. A little, stolen, magical day. We did go off for a walk with Lilli in the stroller to see what she thought of the snow. We expected delight. What we did get were some banshee type sounds for a few minutes in the middle, but other than that she didn't make a peep, and her expression remained fairly, well, expressionless, until we got back in the house and I took her bunting off. Maybe she was stunned by the whole thing. Anyway, I got a chance to wear my snow boots from Maine. And, I would upload some of the pictures I took with my digital camera but I haven't set the software up yet. I know. I am a total procrastinator.

Then we all had a nap and mommy had a *little* wee bit of a hard time getting up, so daddy and Lilli played for awhile, until I heard a little voice near my head say "lookee, mama!" I swear that's what she said. So I opened my eyes and she had brought me a little ball. She was very excited to see my open eyes and just kept bouncing and laughing there at the side of the bed. And then. I kid you not. She said, "I love! I love!" and tried to give me a kiss, which she always accompanies with an "mmmm" sound. Oh my goodness. My heart just about melted and I hate saying that because I am not one for schmaltz but it's true. I yelled to Bob, "she told me she loves me! she loves me, she loves me!" So maybe I was in need of a little validation?!? :) So, there we were, all giddy with love for each other. I have the Busy Baby ABC's Sound Book to thank (thank you Costco, and mom and dad) because I think she learned it from the page where the baby says "I love you!" and makes a kissy noise. I would recommend the book to all parents in need of verbal validation.

This may seem silly to non parents, but it is so amazing when babies start figuring out the real world function of things, and stop seeing objects just as fascinating shapes and colors. Don't get me wrong, it's fun too to see their innocence and non jadedness in their interest in the simplest of things, but it's so cool to see them making connections and observations and figuring out, oh! a spoon is not just for eating but is also a tool to get food in my mouth! Lilli, I think, has known the function of a spoon for awhile now, but in true Lilli fashion has held off really wanting to use a spoon until she knew she could do it right. She doesn't like a mess. Lately she's been insisting on feeding herself, and surprisingly (to me, probably not to her) she manages to actually get the food in her mouth about 90% of the time. She's learned that when I say "you eat it" that means to put the spoon in her mouth and she does it really quickly like it is a game to see how fast she can comply. This has made meal times SO MUCH EASIER. I tell the baby to eat AND SHE EATS. Communication! Eureka! I kind of feel like Alexander Graham Bell. Lilli is pretty pleased with herself too, and has an added bonus, this putting the spoon in her mouth when I tell her to is such a fun game, she'll even do it when the spoon is loaded up with stuff she might not normally be so excited about eating. Of course, this doesn't work so well with foods that will not stick to a spoon. Like kale. She has not yet mastered the art of keeping the spoon from going upside down on the journey to her little mouth.

Also, a couple of weeks ago at Lummi, grandma Mary (or GMary as she likes to be called) taught Lilli how to put the binocular straps over her head so that they would hang around her neck. Now she thinks all cords and wires are supposed to go over your head. I'm not sure how to communicate to her that this is not the best idea for all cords/wires. I'm going to have to figure something out though, because everytime my back is turned she is trying to put some cord or wire over her head and around her neck. Can you say strangulation hazard? The other day Bob was playing video games with a friend and she was sitting in the middle of the floor and we watched her completely entangle herself ON PURPOSE in the cords and wires. Because that is apparently what are you supposed to do.

All this is so fascinating to me because I remember when Lilli was born and I thought how confusing and overwhelming the big wide world must be to a little newborn infant. All they've been exposed to is the inside of a uterus, and now there is all these sensory perceptions that they don't even know how to interpret. It must be just a jumble of meaningless data. Slowly it starts to make sense, and now my baby knows that a bib is supposed to go around your neck, and that hat goes on your head, and that a spoon goes in your mouth. . .AMAZING! Will wonders never cease.

Maternal Sneakiness

Lilli is getting to be so picky that I am really having to be sneaky with her food. Although I prefer not to think of it as sneakiness because that conjures up feelings of guilt. Instead I prefer to think of it as "creativity." That makes me feel like a good mother. So this morning I had to be "creative." I made Lilli some scrambled eggs and grated carrots and almond butter toast. Of course, she refused to eat everything but the toast. Then I had a revelation. What if I made little sandwiches and put the eggs and carrots in them? I know. Brilliant right? It's a good thing, however, that babies have not yet reached their full IQ potential.

Hey, are you bored yet with my mundane life?

We went to Bob's mom's the other night for dinner with his family. Lilli, who rarely likes to "perform" when we want her to (I always am reminded of Jon Stewart saying to Tucker What's his name "I'm not your performing monkey. ha ha!) was accomodating enough to walk (!!) several times and for multiple steps. Since then she's been walking up a storm by the way and seems to be enjoying it.

But anyway, the whole point of the post is to tell this anecdote of cuteness: Lilli was playing peekaboo with Cindy and she was giggling and jumping up and down with excitement everytime Cindy showed her face. Well, Cindy kept waiting longer and longer before she pulled her hands apart, and the anticipation was driving Lilli into laughing fits. Finally, Cindy waited so long Lilli couldn't stand it anymore and she yelled out PEEKYBOO!! and pulled Cindy's hands part. I think "peekyboo," said by a baby, is possibly the cutest word in the English language.

Our journey into todderhood is progressing, albeit slowly. Lilli is now more confident taking small steps on short trips from a to b. For example, she might walk the foot and a half from the chair to the bed, but for much anything farther she'll drop and crawl. What's the big fuss?, she seems to be thinking.

To encourage her a bit we went a got her a walker type of toy. You know, the kind where you push it around. Like I said, we think she was first inspired to take her first steps by playing with a friend's similar toy. So out we went to buy one, because our baby cannot be without. We chose the Gobble and Go Hippo, or whatever it's called and it eats up blocks as you push it around. It came with five delightful little blocks that contained different food items. My favorite is the P & J sandwich. ANYWAY, she wants absolutely nothing to do with it. She definitely doesn't get that you're supposed to stand up and push it. Whenever we try to stand her up next to it she immediately lets her legs get all soupy. Part of the problem is that our child is a GIANT, and the push bar is a little low. She could reach it easily from her knees. Of course, fools that we are, we threw the packaging away already. Thankfully, it converts into a ride on toy. Ah, you smart people at Fischer Price, even though you do not account for overly sized children.

I'm kind of feeling ambivalent about the whole walking thing, however. It's so exciting to see her grow and progress and stuff but at the same time I feel like this whole babyhood thing is passing too quickly. I had a sad moment yesterday morning when I was changing her diaper and I noticed how much her little fat rolls had decreased. She used to have four solid, distinct mountains of fat on her little thunder thighs but they've slowly melted down to little hills with barely discernable valleys. Schuyler mentioned how trim she was looking the other day and I tried to pass it off on the slimming qualities of her flared pants, but I think I have to face the fact that Lilli is leaning out. I guess it was inevitable. Schuyler was a fatty pants when he was a baby and he doesn't really have an ounce of fat on him now. In fact, I'm ashamed to say that I used to call him Auschwitz boy. I know. Terrible. On multiple levels.

I guess all this new attempted walking and increased crawling is working its magic. Plus, have I mentioned what a picky pants she has become? What happened to my good little eater? She used to eat KALE for goodness sake! I haven't had much luck with kale lately. Or any of the green vegetables. Generally, she loves toast, yogurt, tofu, avocado, beans & rice, fruit or anything that any grown person is eating or drinking. I guess I am going to have to get more creative with the vegetables. I was successful there for awhile hiding the vegetables under a mound of applesauce, but she's on to me now. Thankfully, most of the things she likes are pretty healthy, and it's so funny to watch her feed herself. She really likes to pack it in. This morning I was feeding her toast and she wouldn't really wait for one bite to be swallowed before she put the next one it, and before you knew it her mouth was just FULL of moist toast. She could barely maneuver her tongue around. It's HILARIOUS to watch her try to put a new piece in, notice there isn't much room in there, and use the back of her hand to cram it into her piehole (or her sushihole, as my mom would say). Maybe she will work those rolls back on. :)

Well, I promised mundane details! There they are! Stay tuned for more. . .

Bob and I just got home from a trip to Fred Meyer. How come every time I step out the door it seems like hours and hours go by? It is seemingly impossible to make a quick trip anywhere when you have a child. If you take her with you, of course you have to stop for feedings and entertaining and diapers, etc. A recent trip to the mall took four hours! But if you don't take her with you, you have to take her to the babysitter of course, but then you enter this strange non baby time twilight zone, where time just seems to slip through your fingers. I don't know if baby freedom is semi intoxicating or if being sidetracked by all the cute baby items is the culprit, but sometimes this always seems to happen to us. We'll think we have all this time to do stuff, or that we'll be back in just an hour, and before you know it we've begun the next geological era. Why?? Why?

Lilli tried to help but we were distracted from work by her cuteness. . .

One of our (ie Schuyler's) projects at Lummi was to build an oven. I helped lay that little layer of bricks between the sand and the oven part. Woohoo!

OK, this is a terrible picture of me, which just goes to show how much I love my child, because I am showing this picture to you, the whole internet, just because SHE looks so cute. She is such a ham for the camera.

Sitting in the swing at Lummi, while VERY bundled up.

Playing with new toys. . .

Here she is sitting in her own little chair.

Grandpa, heed me now!

Grandpa! I want you! (Or your camera. . .it has buttons.)

Playing with a fan. Ah, how she loves the wind in her face. . .

Reading the new book she got with Grandma.

Here are some photos taken over the holidays, some by my dad and some by my grandma. I DID get a digital camera for Christmas, but of course I didn't take a single frickin' photo. I suck. Anyway, I present to you: Lilli opening Raggedy Ann although she seems to have preferred the little plastic santa tied to the outside of the package.

Farewell to the Holidays and Good Riddance

Well, Bob and I spent another terribly anticlimactic new year's eve, sitting on the couch with the tv on and looking at each other like, that's it?? Though I can't say I'm sorry to see the Holiday season go. I really really like the holidays, don't get me wrong, and I don't *think* I'm a grumpy scroogy type of person. I like to eat, I LOVE the cookies, I like giving and getting presents. BUT. For me, the holidays are mainly about guilt. I constantly feel guilty. I have all these ideas beforehand about how I'm going to do things, and inevitably I never do most of them, and consequently I feel guilty. This year, my normal guilt was heightened by my mother guilt. Since this was the first Christmas Lilli was really of aware of things, I wanted it to be a PERFECT Christmas for her. Ah, yes, the word PERFECT. Therein lies the danger. I should know that I will never feel it's perfect, so I'm just pretty much resigning myself to guilt by taking up such an attitude. Nonetheless.

This year I wanted to decorate the outside of the house, and string garlands in the house, and bake Christmas cookies at appropriate intervals, so that there would be a constant fresh supply of them, and get the PERFECT gift for each and every person, and send Christmas cards to everyone that had little personal messages (and not forget anyone) and blah blah blah blah blah. We DID manage to get the Christmas tree and stockings up, and buy suitable gifts for everyone, and send Christmas cards to most people even though they were kind of cheapy and we didn't even manage to sign them (which I hate!). BUT. I know all this guilt is silly and unproductive and I just need to enjoy the moment and be happy and count my blessings and all those other similar cliches. Maybe next year I will have more time and energy. But my new year's resolution is going to be to expect less of myself and other people and just enjoy what comes my way. Of course, I am totally deluding myself. I will of course feel guilty next holiday season and probably all year long too. Oh, screw it. What's the point.

So, ANYWAY, despite the gnawing guilt, we did enjoy ourselves however. It was really nice to see so much of family. My brother was up for a week and thank goodness my parents made it back from Thailand just in the nick of time. (On a depressing side note, it's so hard to turn the news on these days because all they have are those terribly sad human interest stories about how some mother had to choose which child to choose from the tsunamis, or some baby who lost his whole family, etc. etc. I guess at least it puts my 'lack of cookie making' guilt into perspective.) And Lilli had a marvelous time playing with people and generally being charming. She's just so much fun to be around these days although she is a bit of a bossy pants. She's been climbing steps a lot and trying to put her shoes on by herself and only eating food that we're eating too and talking up a storm and generally trying to be a big person.

The one drawback to all the special time with family has been that Lilli's routine and stuff has been messed up and our progress in certain areas regressed a bit. She's been even more dependent on me lately, maybe because with all the family around she hasn't had as much contact with me. She's been constantly wanting to nurse again and been less receptive to Bob putting her down or comforting her at night. Hopefully now that we're back to normal pretty much we'll be able to get her back on track.

AND, now that we're back in our rut, hopefully I will have more time to blog about the mundane details of Lilli's life. I have to remind myself that this blog is mostly so that I don't forget these precious moments of Lilli's life and that I'll want to know about those mundane details in twenty years, even if you all could care less :) So hopefully (for me), I will be posting some of those shortly. Just as soon as I get over the guilt from not having cleaned up the holiday stuff yet. . .