Will life ever return to normal?? Although as someone who has a pretty monotonous life I definitely enjoy a change in routine (ie Christmas Melee), I am definitely also a creature of habit. As is Lilli. We had her really screwed up there for awhile, with her not going to bed until late and then waking up late and then not wanting a nap, but I think we are finally back on track. Actually, for the last couple of nights, she has been wanting to go to bed really early, and we have been having to try to KEEP HER UP, which is INCREDIBLE. So she went to bed the last two nights at 7:30 and slept until 8 or 9 and I am in heaven.

Anyway, so I finally have some time to blog, and sorry that time to blog has been so nonexistent these last couple of days. We have been busy. In fact, so much has happened I can't even remember. I keep thinking, ooh, I need to blog THAT and THAT and then something else happens I need to blog and I promptly forget them all. My brain is mush. We have been to many different parties/events and now we are relaxing with my parents in the San Juans. It is quiet here, and nice, but there is only a dial up connection. How will we ever manage?

Actually, it is so nice to just sit and chill and watch Lilli play and talk and play games, although I am acutely aware that I am going to have a lot of catching up to do on the Tivo when we get home. At least I'll have a lot of Gilmore Girls saved up and if Lilli keeps going to bed at 7:30 I will be able to watch like four at once! What LUXURY.

ANYWHO, there is so much to write about but I will restrain myself and just stick to one MIRACULOUS event and that is that Bob is now a champion Put Lilli to Bed-er. He's even faster at it than me. What we've been doing is that I will nurse her first but not until she is asleep. Then Bob takes her to the bed and holds her really tight and she struggles and bit and fusses but then he whispers in her ear and sings and before you know it she's out. It is such a beautiful thing, I could probably shed a tear or two at it's beauty. The next step is getting her to accept Bob in the middle of the night. Sometimes she does, sometimes she still insists on the boob. I'm ok with that. One step at a time.

Well, I said one event, and I promised. I will write more when I have DSL again. :)

Merry Christmas!

This is a rather long but very interesting article, for those of you who are so inclined for a little reading:

http://web.ionsys.com/~remedy/Quitting%20The%20Paint%20Factory.htm

It talks mainly about how work obsessed we are in America, and basically, how pathetically sad it is. We worship at the altar of Work. That's partly why Bob and I have discussed how nice it would be to live in Spain or France or Italy. One of those countries where everyone takes a government sanctioned nap in the afternoon and only works 35 hours a week. And dinners last for hours! Enjoying life? Who would have thought?

Please, we're clean, really!

If I tell you this story, please do not think we are dirty people. Yeah, we've had rats! But we've tried to get rid of them! And we don't know how they get in! I clean! I do!

Ok, so we've had a lot of rain, and so our basement flooded, and there are A LOT of boxes down there, mostly from all the baby gear we own. I'm just saying as background info. Because I really don't know what's going on. I'm not really sure if damp boxes = biblical plagues. The thing is, now, on top of the rats, we have a plague of houseflies. Not in the house. Just in the basement. But it is disgusting to go down into the basement to do laundry or somesuch and to see literally dozens and dozens of HUMONGOUS houseflies on the walls. I have never seen so many houseflies that big, just chillin'. Since they are flies, you would expect them to be flying. But they seem to be in some sort of hibernation. They just sit there. This is my only source of consolation: maybe they are tired because there is no food down there (because we are clean people! um, expect for the rat poop) and so they are just sitting down there and will eventually die. In the meantime, however, I am trying not to visually think about how the flies got there in the first place. In other words, if there are flies, there must have been maggots, right?? And then what if they do die?? Oh no, more food for the spiders!

walking update

So, I've been trying to get her to do a repeat walking performance all day, without much luck. But then, I just put her standing in the middle of the hallway, and she wanted to get to the safety of the wall and so she WALKED to it like it was no big deal. So, she will walk to a wall, but she will not walk to mommy. Argh.

Duh!

My sister in law Jeannie called this afternoon. She said she was calling Bob back because he called with the news and she wanted to say "congratulations!" Seriously, for a split second I panicked and thought, "oh my God, am I pregnant??" Sometimes I don't know what goes on up there in my head. (If you were wondering, Bob had called Jeannie to tell her Lilli had walked. duh.)

A Christmas Miracle!!

Yes, people, I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw it. We've known she's been physically able for weeks, what with all her acrobatics and ballet barre exercises (she does a mean arabesque), but she's so careful about we thought it might be weeks still. But. . . last night. . .she walked! Okay, so it wasn't like she walked on water or anything, but three little steps were a pretty big thing for Lilli. My mom is going to be so PISSED though. She didn't want to miss anything. :) She probably jinxed herself by saying anything, because I really didn't think it was going to happen. Like a reverse self fulfilling prophecy.

ANYWAY. What happened was, we were visiting our friends Kurt and Jo last night, and although their baby is three months younger, she throws caution to the winds. She's been taking occasional wee steps for awhile now, and she has this little toy shopping cart which she likes to push around their house. Well, Lilli wanted to play too, but she didn't really get the whole "wheel" concept. She thought the point of the toy was to stand up on it and then work your way around it. When she finally understood that she could use it as an old lady style walker to go where she wanted WHILE REMAINING UPRIGHT it was like a light when on in her head. It was as though she realized that it just might be possible to do this walking thing TO GET AROUND. And the best part is, she could walk AND carry toys around AT THE SAME TIME. So anyway, I actually wasn't privy to any of this. I was in the living room, when all of a sudden from the nursery Bob YELLS "Mariko, she walked, she walked! COME HERE!" I was very skeptical, because I know my Lilli and I know how cautious she is. But as soon as I popped my head in, there she was, taking steps pretty confidently towards Bob's waiting arms.

I guess I should have known she would surprise us like this. She must like to secretly work on her skills while we're not watching, so that she can really get us excited when she decides to unveil herself. Like the whole crawling thing. All of a sudden she just did it!

But, just to keep ourselves in check, she hasn't seemed to excited to replace the crawling with the walking, or even really to try it anymore. All morning when we've tried to get her to do it, she'll stand for a second and then sink to her knees. All the while she has this satisfied look on her face that seems to say SUCKERS! Ah yes, a Christmas miracle.

Enough already?

Hey, so is that enough pictures for y'all? Like my dad says, I have no restraint when it comes to cute Lilli pictures. I try to cull them down, but then I give up and think to heck with it! So you get to see them all. If you don't like it, well. . . you better like pictures of my cute kid!!

Anywho, my parents (ok, my mom) is worried that Lilli is going to walk before she gets home, but I don't think they need to worry a bit. She is in absolutely no hurry to change her current mode of transportation. Still standing a lot. Still no walking.

Still cute though. I forgot to mention a few weeks ago how cute she is when she brushes her own hair. Then she did it this morning all by herself. I didn't even have to show her first! Then we had fun with the phone for a long time. She likes to make it ring and then give it to me, probably because I usually pick up the phone when it rings. Duh, mom. But when I make it ring, she thinks it's for her and she grabs it and puts it up to her ear. I can't wait for the day she can pick up the phone and say hello? in that cute little girl voice.

She is sick though. AGAIN. How is this possible? I feel like a bad mother who can't protect her own child. She eats well! I bathe her! I breastfeed still! What else can I do? At least she doesn't seem to mind much except she gets so frustrated when she's all stuffed up and it interferes with her favorite thing: the boob! We're looking forward to another long night tonight. . .F. U. N.

Hey! He took my phone!

Who's there??

Except for Randy. Although he did manage to seduce her with the shiny phone. They called his answering machine.

At least she likes to share. In fact, she insists that we all play along and take a turn.

Whee! A stool!

But then she got bored and decided she preferred using the stool as a drum. Why bother even buying toys for babies??

She figured it out and decided she liked hitting things really hard with a hammer. Uh oh.

Gimme!

Lilli with the new peg board toy my grandma got her on eBay. See! The wonders of eBay!

My aunt and uncle came through with more pictures! Here are Lilli and me at my grandma's. Lilli is wearing her special Red Ridinghood Poncho. Ponchos + babies = cute.

See! Little sheep! I love little sheep!

My grandma came through as assistant photographer to fill some of the photo gaps :) This is a sweater dress that I started before Lilli was born, in a 9 to 12 month size. I became very discouraged when she seemed that she had outgrown it before I even finished it, but lo and behold, a Christmas miracle! It fit!

Dooce had this to say about motherhood:

"This is part of being a mother, I suppose: the constant nagging feeling of guilt and sorrow and joy and worry and unfettered elation, feelings that should not exist simultaneously but CONSTANTLY EXIST SIMULTANEOUSLY.
I have never been so alive, and yet, so on the verge of collapse."

(Read the whole entry here: http://www.dooce.com/archives/nubbin/12_20_2004.html)

Hmmmm. True. Gwyneth Paltrow said something similar on Oprah a few months ago to the effect that she didn't realize she could ever feel so guilty and happy at the same time. And I realized at the time, huh, maybe that's why I haven't left the house in months!! Bob is always trying to get me to do stuff on my own, possibly because I am always moaning to him about how I never get to do anything that normal people who need normal intellectual stimulation get to do. So then he will say, why don't you go do this or that today? And I say, but, but, I can't just leave her today! She's so cute today and she needs me today and what would you do without me, huh huh huh? I am probably secretly suspicious that she will have fun without me. Or that I'll miss something! Or that she'll want me and *gasp* I won't be there! And if I do go out, I can't really enjoy it because every moment I'm wondering what's happening or what Lilli's doing or if I should hurry up and go home. It's all so twisted and fucked up.

And I haven't even touched the guilt about what I'm feeding her or reading to her or playing with her! Oh my goodness. . .

Lookee! My parents riding an elephant! Ha ha ha ha! (I'm not quite sure why this strikes me as so funny, but it does. Ha ha ha!)

Cause for Celebration!

Bob just put Lilli to bed!! I think this is the first time ever. Yippee!! He snuck (sneaked?) back from the bedroom and we did a happy little dance of joy together. He felt needed, and I felt my first breath of freedom. This means we can TAKE TURNS putting her to bed, and I can even go out in the evenings and need not fear that I will return home to piteous faces.

My Photographer Went Away :(

Duyen wants to know, where are the cute Lilli pictures? All there is are these bloggity bloggity blah blah blah words for as far as the eye can see, she says! Well. What happened is my photographer took a vacation. To Thailand. That's right. My parents decided that this year, instead of having only a semi stressful Christmas season, what with all the buying of gifts and non decorating guilt, etc., they were going to step it up a notch and add in a trans Pacific vacation and get home on Christmas Eve morning! Because they are masochists. And also so then they can (pretend to) enjoy Christmas with the family in an exhausted, delusional and jetlagged state on top of any usual dysfunction. That should add to the good times and fond yuletide memories. Whoopee! Actually, they thought this was each what the other one wanted until right before they stepped on the plane when they each turned to each other and said, "what? you thought I wanted this???" Ha ha ha!

So anyway, they are "relaxing" right now in Thailand on some beach, which is kind of funny to me because it's hard to imagine them relaxing. I bet my mom is organizing the homework she brought and my dad is editing his photo essay of Thailand as we speak. Really, though, that is why there are no pictures :( MAYBE, though, someone will get me a digital camera for Christmas and I can be my own photographer. . .:)

So sorry, no cute Lilli pictures for awhile, just my blah blah blah. Though I'm sure come Christmas, my photographer will be back in full swing.

OCD alert

You know you have a touch of OCD when you can't stop until you've rounded up all your child's blocks and arranged them in alphabetical order. And then when you've discovered the P is missing you have to tear the house apart until it is found. Because the set wasn't complete, dammit! Geez.

Nap success!

Bob and I are are BOTH very pleased because Bob got Lilli to take a nap ALL BY HIMSELF. This is definitely a beginning. If she realizes she can fall asleep with him during the day, maybe it will translate to nighttime as well! Yippee!!!

I am especially happy because our nighttimes have not been so successful. It's easier when Bob is able to be fully conscious. Bob managed to wake up once in the early morning to sing to her, but by that time I'd already gotten her back to sleep. She'd just closed her eyes, and THEN Bob decides to roll over and hum pathetically. I said "Bob, you're too late." He said, "huh?" Then he fell back asleep.

My aunt and uncle are staying at my grandma's for a few days, so Lilli and I went for a visit last night. She was fairly well behaved, but was kind of mean to poor well intentioned Uncle Randy. It was another one of those incidents where you wonder what in the heck is going through those little baby minds. My grandma had gotten her this toy that Randy had loved as a child: kind of a peg board where you hammer these pegs through these holes. Very enjoyable for babies that like to hit things with other things. Lilli is one of those babies. Apparently Randy was too.

Well, we were trying to show Lilli how to play with this board, but she does this thing where she wants the adults around her to alternate playing along with her. Like, when we are reading a book together, she touches the pictures, and then I HAVE to touch the pictures, and if I forget then she leads my hand to the correct place. So after she had hammered the pegs awhile, she wanted me to have the hammer and to take a turn. I had a turn, and Mary had a turn, and Linda had a turn. Well, when it was Randy's turn, Lilli DID NOT want Randy to have a turn. No, he was not allowed to touch that hammer. Everytime he wanted to play with it, she would take that hammer away from him with an air of exasperation and give it to me. When I gave it back to him and he tried to hammer those pegs, she would get very frustrated and try to block his every attempt with her busy little hands. She would give him a withering glance and get the hammer away and give it to me. That's not YOUR hammer, her look would say. That is OUR HAMMER. PLEASE. Poor Randy. He really wanted to hammer those pegs.

And I couldn't figure out why she'd decided that Randy wasn't to touch that toy. She let him hold her and read to her and she jabba jabba'ed with him. Maybe she's figured out that he is the reason she isn't getting to eat peanut butter anymore. How else can a baby exact her revenge? No hammer for you!

Jabba jabba jabba?

We are back in the jabba jabba phase. Lilli will have whole conversations consisting solely of jabba jabba. Of course sometimes she mixes it up with baja baja. Here's an example:

Lilli: jabba jabba jabba?
Me: jabba?
Lilli: JABBA!!
Me: Ahh, jabba!
Lilli: (satisfied tones) jabba jabba jabba. baja!

You can see that my days are just FULL of intellectual discourse.

Lilli has the funniest new dance that has Bob and I both a little nervous. But funny nonetheless. She likes to jump up and down in the crib and sway back and forth and SLAP HER OWN BUTT. It is HILARIOUS. But does this mean we're going to have to lock her in her room until she's 21??

The Saga Continues

So last night Bob and I went in with a game plan. Since Bob was going to have a long day today, I agreed to sleep together with them. The plan was, however, that Bob would be the one to try to soothe Lilli to sleep. I forgot, however, two things. Once again, Bob sleeps like the dead (how could I forget this?) and secondly, I have reflexes built up from over a year of doing this. So Lilli woke up a couple of times, and I just reflexively turned over and gave her the boob. Each time I did it, I thought to myself in my sleep induced haze, shoot! next time! But then the next time I forgot again. Finally after the third time Lilli was being a bit harder to get to sleep, so I *tried* to rouse Bob and he very blearily turned over and started a meager rendition of Brahm's lullaby. Lilli commenced screaming. This was hard to ignore. So I turned over and worked the magic of The Whispering. Has anyone else tried this? She immediately shuts up when I start singing to her in a whisper. It's like she's listening really hard to the words. She doesn't always fall asleep right away from this, but she always gets very quiet and still. I got lucky though and she fell asleep pretty quickly. So then I turned over. She IMMEDIATELY sensed that Mama's eyes were now looking at something rather than her pudgy little face (yes, the back of my eyelids), and the screaming recommenced. So I turned over and she looked at me and smiled and mercifully went back to sleep. It's nice to be wanted but. . .

So, I can't say that last night was a rousing success. Better, in that we got her to go to sleep at one point without resorting to The Boob. But not so good in that she still needed my presence. Baby steps, I guess.

I have a book called the No Cry Sleep Solution that I've read once and did get some good tips from. Like the Pantley Gentle Removal System. Maybe I will have to reread it and lay out a full fledged plan.

Our adventures in (lack of) sleep

Lately I haven't been sleeping very well. First off, all that nursing and not changing positions at night has given me semi chronic neck and shoulder pain. It comes and goes, and this last week has been particularly bad. That makes it difficult for me to sleep while she's nursing. I have to wait until she's asleep and then shift (carefully) to a more comfortable position.

Secondly, she's been wanting to nurse a lot. I don't know if this is because she's been pickier about her food during the day, and so she's hungrier at night. Or, that she's figured me out and is now sentiently aware that there's an 24 hour diner open right next door and so why not use it? In any case, lately I'll wake up to her sitting up in bed and trying to get me to open up.

I do not tell you all this in order to whine (ok, not mostly). I mainly tell you this as a little background knowledge for last night's insanity. Also, fyi, my baby book says that one of the things to do for this problem is that the Mom should pretend she is sleeping while the Dad tells the baby that Boobies are Sleeping and Mom is sleeping and that Baby should sleep too. Then Dad is supposed to proceed to lull baby to sleep. However, Bob is a VERY deep sleeper. It's hard for me to be pretending I'm asleep while at the same time yelling "Bob! Wake up!" Also, when I'm around, Lilli tends to become enraged that the easy route to sleep is right there and yet she is being denied. And so. Although the Book says to use this as a last resort, we decided that last night I would sleep in the guest bed while Bob (gulp) would sleep with Lilli. Bob was afraid but bravely accepted this challenge. All started out well. She fell asleep around 8:45 and awoke around 10:30 for a quick milk feeding. Bob went to bed at 11 and I went to bed at 12, in our respective beds. I had a hard time falling asleep at first because I was feeling guilty and nervous. But finally I was lulled to sleep by the ABSOLUTE LUXURY of sleeping by oneself and moving around WHENEVER THE HELL I WANTED. Unfortunately, I was yanked from this gloriousness at around 2:30 by squawking and yelling from the back of the house. Lilli sounded MAD. She wasn't in despair but she was pretty angry at the situation. Then, miraculously, it stopped. I floated back to dreamland. Then, again. Squawking. I was feeling guilty again but then I remembered all the hundreds of time I'm soothed her myself. The noise quieted and I fell back asleep. After the third session of protests I heard heavy footsteps descend upon me. Yes. Bob was giving up. I couldn't blame him. But now she was wide awake, and apparently had been with Bob for quite some time. She actually had taken it quite well in terms of not having me there. But she couldn't fall asleep. And just has soon as Bob had thought she had drifted off he would open his eyes and see her possessed demon eyes staring widely back at him. And then she would cry.

SO. I went back to the "family bed" and nursed for a bit, but I REALLY want her to learn how to fall asleep without nursing. So after awhile I put the boobie away and tried to sing her to sleep. She talked to herself and played with her hands and actually ALMOST fell asleep, but after one and a half hours of this I caved. I'm sorry to say it but I gave her the boobie back, and we both breathed a sigh of relief and went to sleep.

She was SO CLOSE. We are thinking of trying this again tonight, but who knows if any of us can take it. Maybe we'll end up wearing her down, if we don't wear out first.

Two new words

New words: Bobby and bear. She likes her "b" words.

Did you know?. . .

Did you know that if you wash something that hadn't been washed in years, that said item might actually change color??

Bob and I were just sitting in the living room today, watching TV, when suddenly I smelt gas. Normally, in our household, this would be no cause for alarm. However, this gaseous smell was rather distinctive and not in the Bob! kind of way. So we called up the gas company just to make sure what we should do in this kind of situation and they semi alarmed us by saying that someone would be over momentarily and not to leave. Now, what does momentarily mean to you? We assumed that someone would be RUSHING to our home to save us from the noxious fumes. As it turns out, what they meant was that someone would work their way over eventually, but in the meantime just to live with it. I guess if we blew up in that meantime, so be it. So after waiting for about forty five minutes we called the gas company back up and they said that "momentarily" could mean up to an hour and a half. Seriously? Seriously. What if it was an emergency? So, eventually a guy came and checked it out and all was well. Apparently there had been several calls in our neighborhood, so they are guessing they added too much smelly chemical to our gas line (you know, in order to make the gas smell bad). Well, it beats blowing up.

shocking

I am totally totally shocked that Lilli has not yet even TRIED to touch the packages under the tree yet. I had thought it would a baby destruction zone heaven, but apprarently bright shiny bows and colorful paper hold no allure for her. Who knew?

Words and Walking Update

Lilli is such a little mimic now, I'm really having to watch what I say because I know those little ears are listening. In just the last couple of days, in addition to hi, she's learned owie, shoe, on, off, and this morning she said glasses. You may not believe me on this last one. After all, it contains multiple non vowel only syllables. But Cindy (Bob's mom) will back me up on this one because she was starting to try to say it last week when they were playing with Cindy's pair of glasses. Then, this morning, she wanted me to get my glasses off the nightstand and I said "oh, you want my glasses?" and she said, clear as day, glasses! I kid you not. We have not had a repeat performance, but I think it took a lot of energy to say it that once. In any case, we now have the accessories covered, what with shoes, hats, and glasses. I guess that means it's time to go shopping!

(On a word related but otherwise totally irrelevant tangent, I got three bingo/scrabbles in Bob's and my scrabble game last night! I know a lady never gloats, but I just had to. Sorry. Three scrabbles!Admittedly, I got very very lucky. he he he he.)

ANYWAY, on the walking front however, Lilli hasn't been as adventurous as she has been on the verbal front. She continues to practice standing, and she'll even dance for awhile while standing, and she's cruising the furniture, but she refuses to even try to take a few steps without holding on to something. She doesn't even really like to practice walking while I'm holding onto her hands. She gives me this looks and drops to her knees, like mom, this is SO MUCH more efficient, plus this way I don't need you. Ah, early independence.

Red Robin=Baby Heaven, who knew?

We have a new favorite place to take Lilli along when we want to eat out: Red Robin. Something about the incredible amount of kitsch (sp?) and the mobs of people and the crazy din of birthday songs/clapping really lulled her into a hypnotic state. She just sat there totally serene, and except for when she ate a piece of crayon, we had a totally uneventful outing. She was like a little buddha. Generally when we eat out she is pretty good, but we do have to do some amount of baby entertaining. Tonight, we just sat back and let the mermerizing colors and sounds of Red Robin do all the work. Which means, Red Robin, we will be back. Yes, we will be back.

THEN, we thought, she's being SO GOOD, let's push our luck and go to Pier 1! She was in a delightfully cheerful mood, perhaps because she had been intoxicated by carbohydrates (french fry insides), and she kept saying HI! HI! to passersby. Oh, yes, she's a charmer. :) She actually was pretty good, but pushing a huge stroller around a crowded import store full of trinkets and glassware was not so good. We made it out without breaking anything, though we did knock some stuff over. oops. We didn't manage to make it out without buying some totally unnecessary things however. But come on, how many times have I gotten to go to Pier 1 in the last year? I figure I'm entitled to some non necessities. I am proud that we made it out without buying a single candle!!!

My Dad is a Miracle Worker

Well, I just blogged how Bob couldn't get Miss Lilli to go to sleep the other night. Well, I forgot to mention that while I was at the chiropractor today, my Dad actually got Lilli to go to sleep! His motives weren't exactly altruistic, since pretty much he decided that he was tired of touring all the lights in our house for Lilli's amusement and wanted to take a nap himself. But whatever the motives, all I know is that when I came home, I came home to a snoring Dad and a snoring Lilli, which is the most important thing. He claims to have used nary a drug; apparently some belly rubbing and lullabies did the trick. This news gives me new optimism and hope for the future! In fact, I am so much the optimist that I think I am going to let Bob handle things tonight while I try to sleep with my icky shoulder in the guest room. Bob is not so excited about this but. . .what if it works???! Maybe that's why he's not so excited. . .? Mua ha ha ha ha!

It seems almost silly to continually update you on Lilli's new words, because she is such a little mimic now. If we say a new word that interests her, she listens very carefully and then makes several attempts at saying the word. When she finally gets it, she is proud as punch and then says it OVER AND OVER again, until even we as proud parents wonder if maybe this talking baby thing is overrated.

Nonetheless, I share with you Lill's newest triumpth: HI. She is standing next to me as I type, saying HI HI HI HI HI HI HI. Thankfully, she doesn't always expect a response. Oh, and I think I forgot to mention that her new word for "I'm hungry" is num num. This little piece of communicative ability has actually made my job much easier.

One thing that HAS NOT made my job easier is this whole sleeping together thing. I love it and will probably miss it when the phase has passed, but right now I am having trouble thinking about the fact that I WILL miss it and am just looking forward to the phase being over. What has brought this on, you might ask? Chronic back pain. I think that sleeping on my side to nurse and not being able to move easily for fear of disturbing her has really put my neck and shoulders out of whack. It comes and goes but it SUCKS to have a limited time to sleep and then not be able to sleep well during that time. I went to the chiropractor today, but any suggestions would be appreciated.

Anywho, I'm off to ice my shoulder. . . (and change a diaper at the same time!)

I went to see Bette Midler is concert last night and she was FANTASTIC. Let me tell you, as someone from my generation, someone whose mother constantly listened to songs like "the Wind Beneath My Wings" and "From a Distance" and made me learn the sheet music on the piano, I had kind of ambivalent feelings about going. I mean, I'd heard it was a good show, but Bette Midler? The wind? Wings? I wasn't sure. Boy was I wrong. She was HILARIOUS. And the show was non stop, one funny, entertaining act to the next. But then the slower moments really showcased her voice. And boy can she BLOW. I even enjoyed "Wind Beneath my Wings" and "From a Distance," songs I had relegated in my mind to the cheesiest of the cheese. But she really elevated them from the place for me. Hey, can you tell I enjoyed it? Plus, I always appreciate a woman who can curse really well. I didn't realize Old People could be so funny and with it and I was kind of surprised at how many Old People in the audience got her jokes! :) (Just kidding Mom and Dad!)

ANYWAY, probably most of you don't care about my new found infatuation with Bette Midler. What was Lilli doing while you were out gallivanting, you are probably wondering. Well, she napped at Pat and Al's for awhile until Bob picked her up and took her around and supposedly they had the time of their lives until bed time came. Then the darkness descended upon them, both literally and figuratively. That girl still has not figured out that she doesn't need me to go to sleep. I'm fine with that, because I believe that she'll grow out of it eventually, but in the meantime poor Bob's feelings get hurt when he tries to put her down and she just cries her little heart out. I have to admit though that there is no feeling like going home to your little baby and her smiling enough to light up the room when you walk in it. Ah, yes, being needed. What a double edged sword.

Therefore, we are all a little tired today as we got to bed late. I'm the only one currently not taking a nap, all for you dear readers, all three of you.

But even on a bad day she manages to look pretty cute. Just try to convince me otherwise.

Plus, she was refusing to smile that day.

My Dad took these as potential Christmas card shots but I think we decided to go with the family photo.

Lilli and Kenneth sharing a toy.

Boys, boys, boys, can't we just all get along?

Playing with little boy cousins for the first time ever.

She looks kind of sweaty here from playing so hard.

Here are some pictures that Kirsten took at Lummi over Thanksgiving weekend.

Hat?

Lilli's new favorite word is hat as in hat hat hat hat hat hat hat. That's how she usually says it. We think she is actually referring to actual hats. It was fun to watch the progress of this word. A couple of days ago I was playing with her with a hat, and she kept trying to say hat but it kept sounding more like dat or that. Finally, after much practice, she managed a genuine hat and she's been totally in love with the word ever since. Maybe this will translate into a love of hats?? Well, she has a good start as she has a *few* to choose from.

People keep predicting that Lilli is going to be walking anytime now, though I've been skeptical because she is so cautious and also because she took her time finally getting to the crawling thing. However, I've been seeing signs of her wanting to branch out. . .she's been playing this game where she stands in front of me and then falls into her lap, etc. etc. AND THEN. Today I was reading the paper in the living room and I looked over and there she was standing on top of a stack of crates (Christmas ornaments) albeit while holding onto a chair. Standing on top of crates! My little cautious munchkin! I should have run over there and made her get off in a state of panic, but I was so proud of her!

In other news, we had my dad take some family pictures of us for our Christmas cards, which may or may not come into existence. Either way, I will post the rejects soon. . .

A Girl After My Own Heart

My little munchkin is a multitasker. This morning while I was changing the sheets, I was letting her play in the nursery on the floor. When I peeked into check on her between changing pillowcases, there she was, flipping through Daddy's CD case and busily pushing buttons on the phone, all at the same time. She has a very important and stressful job, but someone's gotta do it.

I don't know if I can watch Oprah anymore. I'm not talking about the boring celebrity episodes where celebrities boringly talk about their movies and Oprah rarely pushes them to spill any real dirt. I'm talking about the episodes like "abused wives" and "sexually molested children" and "abanoned and abused children." I like that she raises awareness of social issues and these episodes are generally very powerful, but goshdangit, I'm TIRED of pretending that I'm not sobbing my eyes out everytime Bob walks in the room. You KNOW he would make fun of me forever. And these episodes also depress me for days. You know, I like the idea of being a socially conscientious person and helping causes I believe in and yadda yadda yadda. Honestly, I feel I haven't done as much as I would like in the arena of social activism because I think I would be depressed all the time. Everytime I hear some statistic about the amazon rainforest because deforested at the rate of some millions of acres a second, I am plunged into emotional darkness. The only thing that really works is to ignore the problem exists. Perhaps not most helpful for the Amazon, but how else can you emotionally detach? ANYWAY, off subject a bit, but my point is that as much as I want to know about these things, part of me would just prefer to live in ignorant bliss.

But last night, I just HAD to watch Oprah by myself before going to bed, and it was a delightfully cheery episode on children who have become poster children for particular causes. A lot of heavy stuff but mostly happy endings. Until they did a segment on Chinese girl babies and the treatment they receive in government run orphanages. Now, of course, I was particularly affected because I happen to be a mother to a girl baby and I can't imagine my own baby being in similar circumstances. But there was one part about these places called "dying rooms" and ugh, it makes me nauseous just thinking about it. Supposedly the government has reformed a bit, but ten years ago there were prevalent rumors of rooms where unwanted girl babies were left to die, basically of neglect. A team of filmmakers snuck into the country and found one of these foul places on their last stop, and there was a little girl who had been left there ten days ago. She was totally emaciated and moaning there and it was just HEARTBREAKING. This poor thing had been totally abandoned, and wouldn't it be so so so so so so awful to die knowing that no one cared about you or loved you? I kept imagining Lilli in that position and ugh, it made me want to throw up. I can't let Lilli cry for a couple of minutes much less even let her think that I've abandoned her. And actually abandoning her? Unthinkable! Letting her die alone knowing I've abandoned her in pain and suffering? How could anybody do such a thing?

There have been a rash of things like that lately around here, it seems. Like that woman who cut off the arms of her 11 month old, or that lady who let her two babies starve to death as she lay drunkenly passed out in her bed, or that guy who just killed his two girls and then committed suicide. Who are these people? I can't imagine letting anyone else hurt my sweet little baby, much less doing it myself. It is so horrifying.

Anyway, so there I was at 2am, lying next to my snoring little girl with a stuffy nose, just thinking how lucky I was and how much I loved her, and all the sad little babies out there who aren't so lucky. What a depressing world.

The Splinter Saga of 2004

You will all be relieved (I'm sure) to hear that Lilli has survived the Splinter Saga of 2004. It had been pusing and festering below the surface for over a month, and yesterday Bobby did what I was too afraid to do. He squeezed that sucker out. Yes, out came an icky splinter about a quarter of an inch long. Yummy. Lilli seemed unfazed for the most part and it's pretty much healed up already. My mom will be SO RELIEVED because she has been pestering me to take her to the doctor for the last month. She used all her powers of guilt AND financial reward, but I could not be driven to the humiliation of taking my baby to the doctor for a splinter, especially after he just told us it would come out by itself. So. There.

Lilli has turned into Miss Pushy Hands. Now not only does she direct our hands to do her bidding, but she'll force us to look at things she wants us to see or pay attention to (usually in order for us to get them for her) by pushing our faces in their direction. I guess, anyway, she's figured out that you have to look at things with your eyes to see them and you have to see something to know it's there. Just an observation. . .

I love JCrew but still. . .

OK, even I agree this is complete and utter craziness: http://www.jcrew.com/catalog/category.jhtml?id=cat64769
I mean, this stuff is more expensive than the adult stuff! Especially if you usually only buy JCrew when they are having super $10 sweater sales. Who buys their babies $88 cashmere sweaters? Well, there must be a market out there. Either that, or everyone is waiting for the sale. . .